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Premarital Counsellors Come Together to Learn About Preparing Young Women for Marriage

Nov 8, 2007
-- When the only “complaint” conference organizers receive is that a gathering is not long enough, program chairs know they’re doing something right. According to Tzelem director and program organizer Jennie Rosenfeld, the over 100 women who participated in the October 28 event were “really hungry for more information and more sessions.” Like the 2006 conference, the recent gathering sought to provide a wide range of resources to the women who teach premarital classes to observant Jewish brides and educate them about issues of sexuality relevant to this instruction. Kallah teachers meet with brides for several sessions before their wedding day to teach them the laws of Taharat HaMishpacha (Jewish family purity). With 89 attendees on site – and an additional 22 women participating through videoconference from Baltimore and from YU’s Gruss Institute in Jerusalem—the gathering, “Creating Healthy Expectations in our Kallot,” brought together teachers from diverse backgrounds and of mixed ages, as well as nurses, therapists, and social workers. Participants included kallah teachers from the Chassidic, Sephardic, and Modern Orthodox communities, prompting Rosenfeld to point out that Tzelem, a special project of YU’s Center for the Jewish Future (CJF), clearly serves as a “unifying” force in the Jewish community. “The diversity at the conference was incredible to see,” says Rosenfeld, noting that some 30 percent of the attendees were women who would otherwise have no occasion to come to Yeshiva University. “But this conference—and the cause of better preparing young women for marriage--united women who otherwise travel in different worlds.” Keynoting the conference, co-chaired by Abby Lerner and Peshi Neuburger, was speaker Marilyn Freedman, founder and director of Essential Physical Therapy in Great Neck, N.Y. Her presentation, “Transitioning into Marriage: Body Awareness and Comfort with Intimacy,” included exercises and practical suggestions kallah teachers can give students to make them feel more comfortable with their bodies. “Many women gathered to ask her individual questions,” says Rosenfeld, noting that a prominent rebbetzin who has been teaching kallot for more than 20 years had already referred someone to the speaker. “She said that if only for that, the program was worth it, since if you help one person, you've changed the world.” Leading the small group sessions in the afternoon were Dr. Sara Barris, who discussed “Niddah and Communication in the Marital Relationship; Dr. Martin Grajower, who spoke on options for avoiding huppah niddah; and Rabbi Kenneth Auman, who led an “Ask the Rabbi” session. In addition, co-chair Peshi Neuburger led text study on the issue of harchakot. Tzelem is a perfect example of what YU is all about," says Rabbi Kenneth Brander, CJF dean. "Through conferences such as this, not only does Tzelem harness the religious energy and Torah knowledge of Yeshiva University, it also taps into our ability to convene leaders in mental health and to make a real difference in the community." "This helps us build community in a very unique way," says Rabbi Brander, and it also "helps inform sensitive issues sharing the Torah vision on matters such as intimacy." As part of this initiative, the CJF is incubating a curriculum, now being piloted in two yeshiva day schools, to educate students in the areas of interpersonal relationships, sexuality, intimacy, and the Jewish values that inform those areas. In addition, the university is offering chattan classes as well as specialized training for rabbis and mental health professionals. Tzelem serves the Orthodox community in developing religiously sensitive resources and educational programming in the broad areas of intimacy and relationships for different constituents and operates with the backing of rabbis, educators, and mental health professionals within the Orthodox community.